My husband is a basketball coach and I should be a comedian because his life is a wealth of material. I could have set after set of funny, funny stuff. This week has been especially rich.
This week included two away games. On Thursday, the girls would have their toughest match of the season. My husband was geared up for victory and he had a plan to change up his team's pre-game routine to better focus the girls.
He was planning very little warm-up time on the floor in pre-game and he had an inspiring locker room speech prepared. He had six main points: sureness, attitude, aggressive, passion, hustle, and (...wait for it...). He tells me that he is giving the locker room speech of his life, and he is nearing the final point - play with heart. There isn't a large marker board in the locker room, so he is using his small marker board that he keeps on the bench. He is ready to reveal the last point. He draws a beautiful heart and colors it in with purple marker. He turns the board around and says, "What does this mean to you?" One of his players says, "You love us!?!"
My husband says in an exasperated voice, "...I do, but...that's not what I meant. I want you to play with heart!"
The girls are ready to break their huddle and storm the court for the orchestrated two minutes of warm-up. They circle up and three girls say that they need to use the bathroom. They wait for everyone who has to go and then they finally break the huddle and make it to the court for around a minute of lay-ups. The best of plans...
The first half was phenomenal...first quarter score, 5-2 (us) and end of second quarter, 5-5. They were feeling good and playing the best game of the season. The second half was a whole other story..final score, 30-7. Sigh.
Earlier in the night, a student who was injured, and told by her doctor not to play, decided that she wanted to play. My husband said that he couldn't let her play unless her mom cleared her from the injured reserved list. She called her mom on her iPhone and handed it over to my husband. He put the phone to his ear and thought it sounded like the mom was on speaker phone. They have the conversation and he hands the phone back to his player to see that he was actually video chatting via Facetime with the mom. Or, I should say, she was Facetiming his ear!
One player asked him if she should wear her glasses during the game. He asked her if she needed them to see and she said, "Yes." Yet, she decided to not wear them. Her first two shots were about four feet short of the basket. He told her that she needed to pretend she was shooting from the three-point line.
He has a player who is kind of petite and she is SUPER nice. My husband had everyone in the huddle and he asked her, "Do you ever get mad or angry?" She says, "No" in a little voice. He tells her, "I need you to get mad, to get mean!" She responds by putting her had up in a cat gesture and saying, "Rawr!" The huddle busts up with laughter and then she does it again, "Rawr! Rawr!" The good news is that they win the game in over time - first victory of the year for this team!
Before the game, my husband met with the officials. The crew was an experience official and a young guy who shared it was the very first game he was officiating. My husband decides to joke around and say, "It's my first game, too." At the pre-game meeting, the young official brings the team captains and coaches together. My husband's assistant stood in for him. The young official takes the lead in the pre-game rules discussion and begins his speech by saying, "So, I hear that it's somebody's first game." Everyone just looked back at him and it was completely silent. He was referring to my husband who was definitely not coaching his first game.
Then, tonight, there was a mix up with the bus shuttles. My husband and I ended up driving two players to meet their parents because there was no bus available. On the drive, we were talking about their Thanksgiving plans and what they had studied at school. One of the girls started talking about her genetics assignment in science. This part of the conversation started when she said, "Well, today, I found out that I had a girl." We held back laughs and asked a few questions about the assignment. She started telling us the characteristics of her theoretical baby based on the genetic probability and flipping a coin to determine traits. She meant to say that her theoretical baby had a cow lick, but she ended up saying something totally not appropriate and we aren't even sure she knew what it meant. We both showed a great deal of restraint and tried to change the subject. When both girls were out of the car, we died laughing all the way home.